Into the Wild Wood and Home Again

"(Insert charity or nonprofit here) NEEDS you..." And I have no doubt, most human-life-sustaining organizations need funds. The arts, cancer-fighting groups, environmental groups, save the (again, insert some animal)-- they all need help. Like most of you, I have to pick and choose which ones I can support, and which ones I'm going to have to wish well, but can't fund. I, too, have limited resources. The Tech Bros (DOGE-dungeon masters) could fix a whole lot of what's wrong with the planet if they wanted to, but alas, they are hell-bent on destroying people, places, and things in order to pump up their egos. And their capacious wallets. I am not excited about ringing in 2025. Yes, there are things I am looking forward to, such as the actual release of my little book in February. And there are other events I am happy about, like two online poetry writing workshops coming right up, too. But on the larger scale, the inglorious mess that the government is hurtling tow...

When I was around nine years old, the presidential race was marching onward, a race that Jimmy Carter, a "peanut farmer" from Georgia, ultimately won. The first real recollection I have of a presidential inauguration was his; the teacher wheeled a television into our classroom so we could witness history. I was hooked. Ever since that day, I have had a deep interest in politics, both national and global, and I like to work out the connections and see who the players are. It's kind of sickening nowadays, but I'm awfully glad my interest was sparked that day-- at least I am informed, no matter how dismayed it makes me.  Pres. Carter was kind, soft-spoken, and cared about people-- that was what I took from watching the news that day. And as a child of not yet ten, that was enough to convince me that his way was the better path. And I was incensed at the way that things turned out with the hostage crisis-- fully using human beings as pawns in a dirty, international politi...

Today is the feast day of the Holy Family. It is a core tenet of Christian belief that Jesus was fully divine and fully human, both, so why did he need a family? Well, what comes to mind is that we all need a family. Human beings are created to live in community, and the first community that we have is our family-- at least a mother. Preferably, we have a full nuclear family, and then, if it's possible, an extended family of grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc. But we need some other people! We cannot learn the critical life lessons of having to communicate, negotiate, compromise, and give generously without contact with other people.  Yes, other people can be incredibly trying sometimes, as well. But that's part of the learning, as annoying as it can be (and often is). We learn to give other people a little space and grace, just as we'd like done for ourselves. We learn that there are consequences to lashing out, too. Lately, Holly has been a little unsettled at time...

Today is looking like a solo quiet day, at least until later in the afternoon. After all the bustle and hum of the holiday-ness, I'm really looking forward to it. Yes, it will include folding a mountain of clean laundry, and yes, I will finally bake the sourdough bread. I have copious notes for a book review I've promised to complete by the end of December, and to be honest... I have three days. I set my own deadline, but still-- I try to keep my word on these things.  I'm also going to try out the new cast iron/enameled dutch oven G gave me for Christmas. That sucker is heavy! He got me the big ol' pot... so I am excited about that. I found a recipe for a basic chicken and rice, so that will be a good first foray into dutch oven cooking for me. And it won't involve red meat. I'm feeling sluggish-- too much holiday food. The supply of cookies, cheese, heavy fare, and other extras is literally weighing on me. I need to eat a little cleaner to reset my inner worki...

It's five below zero, and I hate to have the oil heat running, but my goodness, the floors are cold. The last thing we'd need is to have pipes freezing. So-- I grin and bear it for a little bit, and I have the pellet stove cranking along as well. I'm not all that enamored of having to go out into the cold in a couple of hours, but I think the temps will warm up a little when the sun decides to make an appearance. I need to go to the grocery store. I normally go on Saturdays, but with the little luxury of having some flexible time due to being on break from school, I can go this morning and (I hope) avoid the usual weekend rush of both locals and tourists (ski season...woot).  Grocery shopping is not my favorite chore, but it has to be done. I've tried (and still sometimes use) the Instacart option, when I'm pressed for time or if there's something I actually need from the chain grocery store that I dislike going into. But it's an imperfect and inconsistent s...

Another short post today, I think. Today is Boxing Day, St. Stephen's Day, and Wren Day -- whatever your tradition or preference, it's supposed to be a day to recover from the hilarity and chaos of Christmas Day, as practiced by most families. It's also supposed to be a day of donating things to the poor, and I have a plan for that, too (but it can't be enacting today, but soon). Us included. I'm taking today to NOT do. I'm not cleaning anything. I'm not even cooking anything, really. I'll probably shower and lounge, with minimal tasks involved. Because, to be honest, I'm tired. G presented me with a great goal/idea of getting the den overhauled; it was intended to be a comfy space in which we could watch tv together and just hang out, but it's become a massive catch-all of all sorts of discarded things and general messiness. Time to reclaim the space. If it works out, I think we might be able to move some of Holly's toys and so on into the d...

Many, many years ago, I was in an elective class as an undergrad called Rehearsal and Performance. There were just five of us in the class, but yet, we tackled whole sections of Handel's Messiah ; I was the only alto in the group. No pressure, right? But I learned my part, dedicated myself to not messing it up-- it was, after all, the Big Piece of Music for the Holidays. And then...we had to perform in front of a sizeable crowd in the theatre at the college.  Years later, I sang it again, this time not the only alto, but darn close, with the church choir. I still chime in when I hear the piece begin-- it's part of my DNA, I swear.  So, Happy Christmas to one and all. I don't know what the future will hold for us, but I know that as long as we have the gifts of faith and love, coupled with a benevolent interest in our fellow humans, we will prevail.  Have a wonder-filled day! And here's the part I liked best from the Messiah . Unto us, a Son is Given ... C

I sat down with coffee #2 in order to write a short note this morning here on the blog, and I ended up writing a tiny little poem draft instead. I was listening to Lindsey Stirling's heartbreakingly lovely rendition of "What Child is This?" (Mary's Carol), and I started thinking about how strange, how frightening, it must have been for the young mother who said "yes" to God and to humanity. How one person could have that much strength, faith, and grace to bear all things, as John Donne said it in his poem " Annunciation ," "  That All, which always is all everywhere" humbles me profoundly. Our world is a messy place. It always has been. The age in which Jesus was born was just as violent and troubled, and many people in authority were just as intent on hurting marginalized people as they are today. You would think that people might have learned a little something since then, given our ability to dig deeper, both literally and figurativel...

 ...even colder this morning. Twelve below zero. I may or may not venture out this morning, depending on if it warms up enough to not cause my car to be cranky. I don't need to go out, really, but I was thinking it would be pleasant to have the makings of a hot toddy in the liquor cabinet. My "recipe" calls for Bacardi Limon, Peachtree schnapps, and then hot water and a sprinkle of nutmeg. All in equal measure (though you could adjust the amounts to taste, I suppose). I don't have a cold, but when I do, this is a comforting drink because I can taste it. But that's neither here nor there; if it's still crazy cold, I won't be going anywhere this morning. Holly should be joining me for lunch today, then we will make gingerbread cutout cookies. I'll have to make the white icing myself, because I didn't get my brain in gear ahead of time. No matter-- we do have plenty of sprinkles and so on, so they ought to be fun. And messy. Today's a good day to ...

It's cold. And we started the day with a very early surprise visit from Meg and Holly, so I didn't force the issue to get to church for 8am. Just as well-- it was still below zero. I will watch the livestream version at 10:30, which is not quite the same, but it's warmer. There will be a lot of church attendance in the next week, so I'm all set. G and I are planning on the 6pm on Christmas Eve (we just can't seem to stay awake for the Midnight Mass, unfortunately), and then I'm on the docket for reading next Sunday, and I'm also reading on New Year's Day. So-- I will be present and accounted for. Today, though, it's all about house chores. And some more baking. Holly has elected to stay home and play at her house today, which works out pretty well, actually. I can scuttle about and do things like clean bathrooms and so on. And maybe get a little rest? It's a goal. I never quite know why I'm so tired on a day "off" but I think it...

Christmas Break is here!  Well, okay, technically, it's just Saturday, and the snow is still snowing, and I have to go get groceries and go to the bank and stuff this morning. But the vision of having a few days of not having to prep for lessons, or wear shoes, is a nice thing to contemplate.  Today, after the must-do stuff, Holly and I will bake cookies. I'm pretty sure the agenda looks like peanut blossoms and maybe snickerdoodles. Yesterday, we made her Christmas cards for her mom and dad. Keeping a precocious toddler engaged and happy is a challenge, and add to it the impending visit from Santa, and well, it's good to have an agenda.  So, yes, I do have a few days of prepping "lessons"-- but I will not wear shoes. I wanted to take her Christmas shopping tomorrow, but the predicted high temp is 8. Yes, single digits. I am not that brave, to take a little one out into the fray and bustle of last minute shoppers in the extreme cold. Nope. So, we will make cookies...

What to do on this last day before the holiday break?  Well, we are finishing a film in one class, with the idea that we are looking at how writers develop characters. The other class-- well, we finished A Christmas Carol , and they were supposed to finish Hard Times last night, so I think we'll be digging into Dickens. But then what? I have some Christmas trivia. I have two poems copied off that can be used for creative work. But honestly, I don't even know if all the kids will even show up today.  We have a nice, long break this year-- but somehow, parents always cheat a little and give kids the day before off, which, to be honest, is tempting-- but we are also required to be there, and using the time "wisely," because if we don't, then the spectre of taxpayer wrath to come looms large. So I have plans. But I don't have anything that will need to be graded-- because, as I said, parents let kids slide out on the last day. It's a conundrum, to be sure.  T...

It's been a very long time since I finished a novel in less than a week. I've rediscovered the joy of sitting quietly and reading, it seems. I even pushed bedtime a little last night so I could finish the book. I won't re-read it (I rarely re-read anything), so it'll likely be donated to the free book shelf at the Coop soon. But I did it! G was out for the evening with company execs (social, not related to work), and I had the house to myself and the quiet. And it was quiet. I wrapped all the gifts in about 90 minutes (per usual) while listening to Christmas music on the radio. Then I came downstairs and sat on the couch, watched the tree blink, and read. And read. And read. It was something I have not done in years.  So, let's unpack that paragraph. Today is the grand re-opening of the Aubuchon-Ace Hardware in Lincoln, NH. Thus, the company execs in town, and they are people G has known for a long time, so he was delighted to go out to dinner. He had a prime rib pl...

The last few days of the preorder period for my little book are upon us. The deadline is Friday; I have sold enough copies to qualify, so my book will, in fact, see the light of day mid-February. I ordered a few extra copies, just in case I get to do a book launch or reading. It feels weird, and good, but weird anyhow. I'm grateful to all the folks who did buy a copy, and I am happy that I have sent out almost all of the printed broadsides to those who did. But I have this niggling fear that if I have a book launch, no one will come. (I have had this experience with Tupperware parties, crystal parties, birthday parties....) Pretty much, all the people I know (who actually are interested, or who have pity on me?) have bought one already. It is possible that I just have imposter syndrome, but I'm thinking I will have to figure out a real draw to get people to come... who would come just for me? Who am I, really? ugh. This self-doubt is deeply hard-wired. So, I'll figure that ...

Geoff and I enjoyed watching Red One last night on Amazon Prime. It was an action/myth/fantasy/holiday movie with a lot of laughs and a few warm and fuzzy moments-- including a gruffly fond statement made by Krampus.  What? Yeah-- if you haven't seen it, give it a look. If you have Prime, it's free to watch. Usually, I have a full schedule of Christmas movies I watch in a pretty regular order, but this year, I'm just not feeling it. Maybe I need some new movies. Last year I didn't, because it didn't feel like Christmas-- we were on hold, for weeks. That's not the same feeling this year, but the result is the same: I'm kind of bored with the old standards. I don't like a lot of contemporary movies-- too much glitz, not enough story, and too much focus on the commercial end of things. I suspect that's why I liked last night's movie-- no shopping, no gift buying, just saving Santa and saving Christmas, and while they were at it, saving a boy's ...

Either this week will rocket by or it will drag along like a reluctant toddler. I hope to keep order in my classroom-- we'll see how that goes.  It's quite fortunate that I have British Lit this term; we get to read Dickens' Hard Times leading up to Christmas, and I am (of course) showing the Patrick Stewart version of A Christmas Carol . It's surprising just how many kids have never seen it, or if they have, it's been some weirdly warped version. My other class, College Comp, is going to watch two films this week, only because they have rocked through APA7 stuff a little early (yay), and we are transitioning to a short couple of weeks after break, in which we will be working on literary analysis of a short story. I want to focus on character development and tropes found in literature. So-- Dead Poets Society (I'm gonna bawl again), and then, a gem of a little movie titled The Man Who Invented Christmas. Dead Poets is a really good film for looking at charac...

Gaudete! Rejoice! The third Sunday of Advent is a day to rejoice that the Son of God is both imminent and immanent.  While it's really hard these days to be hopeful about the impending future of our country and even of the world itself, today --TODAY-- we can find love and hope and peace. It's waiting right there at our fingertips. And, if we embrace fully what we say we believe (those of us in the Christian tradition, anyhow), then there is reason to cling to hope as well. The nativity scene tells us that God took on human form, and our faith tells us that he is with us, has always been with us, and will continue to be, as we look ahead.  It's hard to keep hope alive, in the face of all the hard and hurtful things that have happened and will likely happen-- that's the human failing-circle that we are, unfortunately, caught up in. But then, look at that beautiful moon! The tiniest kitten. The face of a child waiting expectantly for a hug, and who will return that hug in...

I slept in for an extra hour today, which was nice. One day a week, I get to sleep until I wake up, instead of when I'm awoken. Amen.  I have a full agenda for today, but I'm not moving too quickly. I'm on coffee #2, still in my flannels and bathrobe. It's 15 degrees out, and the ground is hard and bumpy after the deluge of rain we had midweek. Poor Holly-- the only thing she asked Santa for is a sled, and now the snow is gone. I assume we'll get some, but who knows. We didn't have much last year, for sure. I'm still intentionally not commenting on the national debacle, but suffice it to say, I'm appalled. The whole idea of removing essential vaccines from distribution --even polio-- is scary. It's like a plan to eradicate everyone in the country, but starting with children. What kind of bargaining chip is that? Fall in line, or we'll allow your children to die? It seems like they are also readying the ice floe for the old and infirm, too-- disea...

Some weeks just seem to be very long, don't they? This has been/is one of them. It may be the weird weather patterns (deluge on Wed., 14 degrees and clear today). It might be the fact that I really would rather be home, puttering about and getting a few things done before Christmas. I'm not sure, but I am super glad it's Friday.  G has been cleared to work full time again! Which of course means he's not going to be home as much during the day. That's both good and not so good, but mostly beneficial. It'll be great to have the income, honestly. But the house gets cold... no one home to keep the pellets going. So be it. I'll adjust. But today, he is working his first full day, open to close, and of course it's in the teens.  At any rate, it's Friday, and I only have house stuff to accomplish this weekend-- no grading. I'm really trying to stay the course on my promise I made to myself. I'll do the errands and groceries, usual chores, and so on,...

The Toys for Tots program is a hugely successful one in our area. Kids who care, and community members who support the local efforts, have outdone themselves yet again. The area high schools have a friendly competition to see which one can gather the most toys to donate, and Lisbon --my kids-- have won the challenge for the second year in a row. This gives them the opportunity to send a few members of the student council to "Shop with a Cop" at Walmart; this way, they can fulfill even more needs while having a fun time cruising the aisles (and getting a pizza lunch) with our local police members.  I'm proud of these kids and their efforts. Yes, it's a fun competition, but it goes deeper than that. Lisbon is a economically fragile community, with a very high rate of families who are struggling financially. There's not a lot of wiggle room in most people's budgets, to be sure. Yet these kids, some of whom may well have been recipients of the toys in the past, ou...

I finished a book last night: John Grisham's follow-up to The Firm titled The Exchange . It was enjoyable, even though it left me with questions and a sense of moral outrage about the brutal nature of terrorists and the deployment of far too much money in the wrong hands. Now, I'm searching through the TBR pile to find something that will keep my interest. I'm thinking Tracy K. Smith's To Free the Captives . But I feel a tug to re-read The Wind in the Willows . Maybe. I've been a bit over-wrought lately, easily triggered, and really melancholy at times. A lot of stuff has happened in the last few years; some really good, like Meg's wedding, Holly, and my little chapbook that will actually see the light of day. But I've also been really prone to tears, too. And I think it's the book, in part. Having to steel myself emotionally through so damned much for the last decade, and even more so through the last six years, has left me pretty numb in a lot of ways...

  I hit brakes for the flutter of the lights hoping it's not a deer or a skunk or a groundhog coffee splashes over the cup which I quickly put away from me and into the empty passenger seat I look . . . relieved and exasperated ... to discover I have just missed a big wet leaf struggling . . . to lift itself into the wind and live from " Possum Crossing " by Nikki Giovanni I read this morning that the poet Nikki Giovanni has passed away. This poem of hers reminds us that "we share the streets with more than trucks and vans and/ railroad crossings"-- a good thought, really. We tend to be insular, as human beings. Our needs are made a priority, especially when it comes to sharing space with other living creatures. And now, as it seems, with other people who are not "us." It's a sad commentary on how human beings have become so fractured, so focused inwardly, that we don't (as a group) acknowledge that we are part of a larger community of people, ...

I really like the new location for the Christmas tree. It's far enough away from heat vents and the pellet stove that it might not dry out as quickly-- that's a practical consideration. It's also right where it's the focal point of the room, which is nice. And, from where I sit at my desk, I can see it, at least a little, through the glass door that separates the "front room" from the living room proper. Usually, we can't see the back of the tree because it's up against a wall-- not so this time; I can see it from my desk.  I like decorating for Christmas, even though I don't go quite so crazy with it as I used to. I no longer hide nutcrackers in every direction, for example. The bathrooms are blessedly deco-free. I don't worry about the holiday finger towels-- really, who was I kidding? I do have season-specific kitchen/table linens, and the plates we use daily are changed by the season, too. It hurts no one, and it makes me smile.  The best p...

Sunday, and it's cold, snowy, and my arthritic feet/ankles/knees are grumpy. So, I will watch Mass on the livestream. That said, I have an abundance of material to read and listen to in order to frame my mind and heart in a more contemplative state. I just need to be disciplined enough to shut the chatter and distraction off; that is the one thing I have a hard time doing. My busy brain won't settle sometimes, and I find myself wandering off into all the things I can't figure out. That said, I have been reading and listening to good things already this morning. I find my thoughts are trending towards concern for all those who are living in fear, confusion, and distress: Ukraine, for example, and in parts of our own country as well. France celebrated the re-opening of Notre Dame cathedral, with joy and gladness, with a mix of secular and religious ceremony-- after so much damage, and the monumental effort of rebuilding.  But there's also the nagging sense of how do we ba...

It's been a few years since we've had an actually cold and snowy December. It's... picturesque? Okay, also a bit inconvenient, but still, it's seasonal. And we have not had "seasons" like we have been used to. Yes, climate change is upon us, and it isn't going away. But this year, at least so far, December looks like a Currier and Ives print.  I, for one, am grateful for winter tires. I wish I could be as excited as I used to be about snow-- now, it just presents a challenge for me. My arthritic feet and hinky knees are not great on uneven or slippery surfaces. And my winter boots are really heavy, which causes my feet and knees to hurt terribly. However! I fell into a huge deal, part of the "cyber" sales due to Black Friday. I was not going to buy anything at all during that palooza, but I got an email from Land's End, and I decided to see what was up. I am so glad. The winter moccasins that I love, that serve well as both traction and can b...

Happy St. Nicholas' Day! Did you set out your shoes? Did you get a treat?  We are trying to instill some fun traditions for Holly to learn about Christmas, things a bit more than Santa and the tree and presents. We have the nativity scene, the wise men are "traveling" to see the baby Jesus, and I gave her an advent calendar for her house. I have one, too-- more sophisticated, with a stylized scene of the manger, etc. (it looks pretty, but clearly not historically accurate). Hers is a nutcracker one-- I've no idea if they are opening the windows at her house (Holly says she forgot). I hope so. Or maybe they can play catch-up. One reason for doing an advent calendar besides the little treats or, in our case, little pieces of the story, is to help children manage the waiting. It helps them develop a sense of time. I think this is really important; with digital clocks and streaming services, among so many "instant" things, children are having a really hard time ...

Snowing. Well, duh, it's December...right? Though the last few years have been incredibly dry heading into Christmas. But we have snow today-- and it's supposed to snow all day-- and I'm super glad to have my winter tires on. And G has his on the new car. Snow is pretty, yes, but mostly when I'm watching it out of my window, coffee in hand, and no place to go. But off to work I will be going, for sure.  Today, the kids in my College Comp I class will be wrestling with the strictures of APA7 documentation and in-text citation. Toe-tapping, eh? And the Brit Lit kids will be doing a quick mini-search into the living and working conditions in England during the beginnings of the Industrial Revolution. Equally disheartening, to be sure.  Given the shift in ideology that is starting to creep around the US now, maybe some connections can be made with the horrors of living in 18th-19th century England for the working poor...maybe it might ring some alarm bells. Probably not... ...

After yesterday's post, the day improved. Ah, pendulum, how you swing.  Two students asked to buy my little book. They are too funny... and I'm humbled by their interest. Another colleague messaged me last night that he'd bought my book-- he's the PE teacher. That gives me a lot of hope. He's a good fella, too. Always thinking of me if he runs across a poetry book somewhere. And I spent much of the afternoon/evening signing broadsides of the title poem to send to the folks who have pre-ordered. That was kind of fun! I had to track down snail mail addresses, and people were super quick to respond. I ordered several books of stamps.  I fell asleep on the couch watching Food TV per usual, but I went to bed content. And I slept pretty well for the first time in about a week. Nice all around. All I need is a little something or other that is positive to balance all the crazy stuff...and I was blessed with that yesterday. I even had a fun time making a "project"...

I'm honestly swaying like a freakin' pendulum between extreme existential dread and the anticipation and joy of the Christmas season and what it historically promises.  The hate that was unleashed over the last several years, all bolstered by extremists both nationally and globally, is leaching into my mind-set, and I want it out. Out out out .  It's hard to fathom how so many angry, disaffected, and deeply (willingly) misinformed people are claiming Christian affiliation, while persecuting so many other people, especially those who are not part of the mainstream in their ethnicity, gender expression, or other status. And women-- women getting pummeled daily on social media and in person-- the rise of "your body, my choice" promulgated by a rising number of nasty boys (and started by white supremacist and monster Nick Fuentes) threatens real danger to women.  And yet, we sing carols and hymns celebrating Mary, the Mother of God.  I'm troubled by all of this ha...