What is family for? Feast of the Holy Family and us...

Today is the feast day of the Holy Family. It is a core tenet of Christian belief that Jesus was fully divine and fully human, both, so why did he need a family? Well, what comes to mind is that we all need a family. Human beings are created to live in community, and the first community that we have is our family-- at least a mother. Preferably, we have a full nuclear family, and then, if it's possible, an extended family of grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc. But we need some other people! We cannot learn the critical life lessons of having to communicate, negotiate, compromise, and give generously without contact with other people. 

Yes, other people can be incredibly trying sometimes, as well. But that's part of the learning, as annoying as it can be (and often is). We learn to give other people a little space and grace, just as we'd like done for ourselves. We learn that there are consequences to lashing out, too. Lately, Holly has been a little unsettled at times-- her schedule is a little unpredictable, especially when they have to go to Boston for medical checkups for Tim, or when Meg has to flip her schedule to nights. We try to provide her with the framework of "normal" as much as possible-- all of us do-- but when you are three, it's hard to flex. We try to provide her with the rationales, but honestly, no three year old is going to want to listen to reason. Of course not! She just wants her usual schedule. Children need regular schedules so that they can learn how to self-regulate. They also need to feel safe, especially emotionally, and that comes from knowing who is going to be in their daily lives. We learn how to be part of a community by being part of a family; that seems logical, right?

So why did Jesus need a family? Well, first, to arrive on the scene as an infant meant that caregiving had to happen-- and he had to grow and be nurtured. It was as much a life-lesson for his immediate circle as it was safety for him as a human child. And as he grew-- think: the scene in the temple where he was teaching the elders. I'm sort of surprised they didn't boot him out, but they didn't-- that still amazes me. But they must have felt they had something to learn, and he certainly had something to say. And as he got older, his own "chosen family" of followers provided him with community, and he, in turn provided them with his own brand of caregiving. In times of discussion, there were instances of disagreement; Jesus shows them (and us) how to discuss without being mean-spirited. 

Yes, all of this comes through hundreds of translations, and the story was initially part of an oral history, but the basic ideas of caregiving, discussion, compassion, and connection is what it's all about. We are blessed if we have a family, we can create "family" as well, and it's pretty clear we need those people in our lives.

I wish that we could all take a long view of our human community. We need each other; exploiting others for personal gain and profit is antithetical to the essential need for human connection. I think that this is one of the greatest sins, this cruel notion that other people must serve as disposable objects for one person's pleasure. Those who embrace that philosophy are doomed, eventually, no matter what they seem to think. Unfortunately, other humans pay the price in the meantime. This is where we, the rest of the "family," must step in. This is caritas. 

Have a good day,

C