Reminding myself to be okay with being just okay... and it's okay to take things slowly

Today, I have a few quick chores and groceries to attend to, and then I hope to be reading/sorting/arranging poems in the not-even-really-close-to-being-a-manuscript. I have two weeks left of flexible time. My house is still in need of a really thorough deep-cleaning, but that is hard to do when the only day there's no one else in here is Saturday. And that means packing one day a week with days/weeks/months-worth of chores and projects. Ain't happening. It can't. I wish I could justify paying someone to come help me get things under control, but the going rate is pretty steep (most charge 50/hr., with a minimum of two hours). Not that they wouldn't earn it, but I just can't see spending almost a week's worth of groceries on house cleaning. Sigh. So either I figure out how to get it done, or it's not getting done. 

But not today. It's going to have to be enough that mostly the house is pretty okay. And there's just some things that will never be more than that, as we can't really spring for a bathroom remodel, or a new kitchen floor. Sigh. 

But we have a roof over our heads, food in the fridge (well, we will, as soon as I get to the store), and generally, we're managing better than a whole lot of people. One thing about being home for extended periods of time, like over summer break, is that I can *see* all the flaws. I despair of ever getting things done around here, and that makes me sad. 

But I digress. 

It's a lovely, warm, sunny start to the day. Rain is in the forecast, but only as showers. It appears it rained all night, and the garden is looking a lot happier. We have had some lovely hot days, but what's lovely to humans is not as lovely to plants. The birds are loving the feeders being out (not a lot of natural forage right now for the little ones, and yes, G brings the feeders in at night), and they like the new birdbath with solar-powered fountain. It hardly qualifies as a fountain, but it's cute, and it keeps the water from being entirely stagnant in this heat. 

I'm getting off to a very slow start (okay, I did put a load of wet towels and such in the dryer at 5:30), and I have zero desire to hop to it, as my mother used to snap at us. Yeah, she had a lot of drill-instructor tendencies. I hear myself repeating some of those phrases, and it makes me cringe. I'm working on it. One thing I refuse to say is find something to do or I'll find it for you. Believe me, rest is a necessary thing. Free choice of activity-- or inactivity-- is important. Especially if you are a creative sort. But yet, I task myself with too much to do every single day. I am still learning how to be still. And I feel like I have to justify my moments of peace by frenetic bursts of productivity. Bleah. 

So, I'm being relatively lazy [ ]

Strike that. 

                                                   leisurely, this morning.

I hope you don't struggle with those parent tapes, too. It's a noxious burden to carry. And I apologize to my family members for letting those tapes spool out of my mouth, unwanted and unchecked, too many times. I'm working on it. 

Have a gloriously lovely day. Hug those you love, be kind, and be safe. There's forces afoot who want to make life miserable, so why let 'em win?

C