Into the Wild Wood and Home Again

There's a lot going on in my head, mostly I don't share the anxiety, the hurt, the sense of overwhelming cultural devastation, because who can manage that firehose of dread and pain?  So, two things. The Library of America is having a one-hour discussion about Whitman and his political writings (and I ordered the book) online on June 2. The link is here , and it's free to attend. The other thing that I have to offer is a poem by Wordsworth, one that lives in my head: The World Is Too Much With Us The world is too much with us; late and soon, Getting and spending, we lay waste our powers;— Little we see in Nature that is ours; We have given our hearts away, a sordid boon! This Sea that bares her bosom to the moon; The winds that will be howling at all hours, And are up-gathered now like sleeping flowers; For this, for everything, we are out of tune; It moves us not. Great God! I’d rather be A Pagan suckled in a creed outworn; So might I, standing on this pleasant lea, Have g...

Well, we didn't plant anything after Holly got out of school. She had a project to do with Meg; they made tie-dye shirts. O lordy. I'm glad it was not in my kitchen! I sent over a white tee shirt of mine with a quote from The Secret Garden on it and I told them to surprise me. It'll be fun! (And it doesn't count as another tee shirt, since I used an existing one.)  Speaking of tee shirts, I have an almost embarrassing amount of nerdy tee shirts. Not so many long sleeve, but plenty of short sleeve. Everything from a fairly innocuous "POET" shirt, to quotes from Emerson, Pessoa, and others. And some snarky ones. And some that require you to know something from literature. Take, for instance, the one I wore to work Tuesday: "HWAET!" (We had a dress-up day thing, where I was twinned --well, tripletted- with two others and we wore black tee shirts and jeans.) It's the first word, in Anglo-Saxon, that starts the Beowulf epic. I have a great purple one...

Another warm start to the day-- I sure could get used to it. Holly and I planted a few more things yesterday; we'll see what happens with the lettuce and spinach. I chose to put them in a porch planter. That way, I can keep them out of the sun if it gets too hot. And we broadcast some red poppies-- we'll see what comes of that, too.  Students are liking both Our Town and Summer of Soul, which is good. I have to grade a pile of essays I left alone this weekend, but mostly, things are rolling along well enough.  And I finally got my second galley proofs for the new book! They tell me that the printer is running about two weeks behind, which is going to likely make me shift my book release party. Sigh. Now I have to figure that part out. But I'll ask them for a better idea of when the book will arrive. I was hoping for June 14th (Flag Day, not UFC debacle day). It may have to shift to Fathers' Day. I dunno. I'm balancing a lot of scheduling, and it seems like either a...

We spent most of yesterday outdoors-- G doing most of my self-appointed tasks, as well as a few he wanted to get done. After church (and pancake breakfast!), we went to buy another phlox and a rose bush. Well, I got a couple of petunias, but restrained myself-- it's too early for vegetable sets. The lovely weather is misleading. We will not plant garden crops until the first of June (there's a second full moon in May this year--colder nights are a likelihood). G did the pruning for me (my ankle is in full revolt lately), and went on to prune back forsythias, dig holes, plant phlox, move solar lights...I'm sure there's something else, too, but it was a lovely outdoor day, getting things done. I got to hang out with Meg and Holly for a bit, too, and I made a nice Sunday dinner for us all. Fresh blueberry-rhubarb pie! Roast chicken and veggies! And all the windows were open.  Achoo. Pollen everywhere, too. The apple trees are blooming. The pears are still blooming like cra...

Ooo I got drafted to read this morning-- so, short note. I need to read over the passages.  I hope your Sunday is glorious.  It's sunny and warm. We'll be outside for a good part of today, I think! Ciao for now, blessings for everyone. C

I should not ever start my day by reading the news feed. I'm carrying around a whole lot of angst, and that does not help in any way. What does today look like? I know there's errands and folding laundry involved. I want to do some outdoor stuff, but I don't feel confident getting into the roses when there's no one around-- if I topple, I will not be able to right myself easily. And no, taking a cell phone out into the rose bushes is not a good plan, either-- if it should drop, I won't be able to navigate safely to pick it up. So, that pressing project is likely moved to tomorrow. No matter. It'll get done.  Confronting limitations is never an easy thing to do, and I'm really having a hard time with the new level of "be safe" and "pace yourself" that physical limitations are putting on me. I used to do so much, so quickly, and solo. It's damned depressing. And there's not a lot of help to be had; people are busy with their own to-...

Another warm/damp start to the day-- I'll take it. Yes, it'll be nice to see some warm and sunny, but warm is good.  Speaking of warm, I am wearing denim capri pants today. Not that newsworthy, I'm sure, but still-- it's not wool socks, fleece-lined leggings and a sweater.  And speaking of clothing, I never really noticed just how prominent clothing as ritual gifts is in The Odyssey. Yes, there's gold, usually bowls and tripods, lots of animals, sometimes women, but the tunics and cloaks are just as prominent. Sometimes one-fold, sometimes two-fold tunics. They are stored away just as carefully as the hardware. I got thinking, then, that it's women who created these articles of clothing. The hours needed are amazing. The threads, created from raw materials like wool and flax, all had to be processed by women. So of course, the clothing is precious. Beggars go about wrapped in untanned ox hide. Sometimes, the gift-women given are not for sexual reasons, but beca...

Raining, but warmer...it's already over 50 degrees, which beats yesterday's high. The new herb plants and flower seeds will likely be happier. I have my garden boxes figured out, I think. But G ordered this cool little sampler of seeds that can be used for saving seeds after the plants grow. So now I have a plethora of interesting things to try out. Some, I will not. I am not growing okra. But there's three types of lettuce-- I was not going to grow lettuce, but now I think I might do that in the square planter on the deck. That way I can move it to shade so the plants don't cook in the sun. I'll grow beans and peas, squashes, tomatoes, and a shared box of carrots, beets, and parsnips. I might pop in a cuke plant, but we'll see. I have terrible luck with them. But who knows?  At any rate, none of this is happening until later in the month, so we can avoid that Blue Moon possible frost. Ah, New England. Short growing season, and we want our veggies before Septemb...

Got up, and it's 31 degrees-- it'll warm quickly, I think. But rain is in the forecast, but I'm not mad about it. We planted the herbs yesterday, Holly and I. Now, we can hope that they get watered naturally-- it's still too cold at night to turn on the outside water.  I'll be at work all day today, because there's a staff meeting I must attend. So, I assume I'll get something or other done. Not sure what-- with the AP testing gutting classes, I haven't had much to teach, let alone collect to grade. I don't mind, really. I have some other things I should be looking at. I have ideas for improvement, too, for both of my "heavy hitter" classes. This year has been a real learning experience for me, and I'm glad I have had to figure it out as I go. That way, I can honestly say I've dug into the whole AP thing. I'm still not that convinced it's what we need, but we have it, and I'll do my best to make it as valuable as possibl...

Another frost. I don't think the pears, and maybe the apples and the plums, will survive this. The trees will have a year of growth with no fruit, I fear. Not great timing; the cost of groceries what it is, I was hoping that I could really zero in on filling the freezer with applesauce and pear sauce. It's in God's hands. Mother Nature is clearly giving us the cold shoulder.  I'll still put out the herbs today; they've "hardened" enough already. Holly and I put in morning glory and flower seeds yesterday, so we'll see what comes of that. I'm feeling a little downhearted about the whole frost every night thing. At least the daytime temps are nice, but that doesn't make up for the cold nights.  Another day of upended class today; this time, I might have three or four kids in APLit. This is bonkers, but at least I knew about it ahead of time. I'm already thinking about how I'll revise my timing for next year's round; I think I'll d...

Another cold morning (30 degrees). I am truly worried for the fate of the fruit trees--well, they'll still be okay, but we may not get any fruit. That would be disappointing. Yesterday, G and I bought my new herb sets, too-- they are under a table on the deck, so I hope they are okay. They're pretty hardy ones, too-- sage and thyme, one little oregano. I kept the pot of basil in the house-- it's already gorgeous, and frankly, basil is too fragile to put outdoors until it is truly time to do so. And this year, we have the Blue Moon to worry about-- still a chance of frost until May 31st. Yeehaa. I don't usually put veggies in the ground until after then anyhow, but still. I'm itching to get things done.  And I did none of it yesterday, except the purchasing. It rained again. I'm too old and unstable on my feet to fool with pruning the huge rose bush in the rain. If I slipped, I'd be done for. So, next weekend. Today, though, Holly and I are going to go get th...

I dozed through the evening, half-listening to a silly show on Netflix. I will likely not return to it, but who knows? If I weren't always so darn tired, I'd read in the evening, but I can't focus and stay awake these days. I filled my Saturday with must-do stuff, and a few glad-I-did things. That is to say, I finished chores and whatnot right about when G pulled in from work--just after 4pm. I'm glad I went to tee ball with Holly and Tim; it's a true joy to sit in the spring sunshine and watch her learn and have fun doing something Meg did for years. I miss it so much, and it's honestly amazing to think I get to do it again. That makes my heart so happy. I don't know if I'll be able to for all the years she may play, but I'll soak up every minute I can get.  I was upstairs folding laundry when the dog went bananas. I dismissed it, after a fashion, because a/ no one was due to be at my door, and b/ she stopped losing her mind. When I got downstairs a...

Apparently, my mind is craving period drama as a retreat from the horrific firehose of terrible news items that are threatening to engulf us all. I can't directly impact any single thing that is making my heart hurt, but I can, in fact, temporarily immerse myself in Regency period films that dip into melodrama.  Last night, after Jeopardy (yes, I must be getting old-- I'm making it a habit to watch daily), I clicked into Britbox after making sure the Red Sox were not imploding in the first inning. They were not, so I was safe to venture into drama/melodrama/comfortably slushy film. I chose Mr Malcolm's List , which was delightful. Not one serious thing about it, really-- it was purely enjoyable, the costumes and settings were lovely, and I went to bed precisely at 10pm, having lost myself for a short time in an era that was ruled by high manners and minor scandals.  See why I like it? The horror show that is the news cycle today offers little to no reprieve; disasters, dang...

 Sunny? Yes, cold-- slight frost again last night (reminder that it's still early spring, eh?)--  And it's Friday. And payday.  Last night, I watched the first few episodes of The Other Bennet Sister on Britbox. It's quite good. I highly recommend it-- it connects with the things we all know from Pride and Prejudice, but the focus is on Mary, the sister no one ever seems to remember. The mother is vain and sometimes cruel, the younger sisters are still brainless, Lizzie is hardly even involved, nor is Jane... but they are there, and they are as we have come to expect them. Mr. Collins is as odious and cringey as usual, too. But Mary gets to speak! She has hopes and dreams, and a terrible sense of unworthiness rooted in her mother's suffocating behavior. Mary is becoming more independent, though, so this newfound courage and sense of self is refreshing-- even as it is thwarted, time and again, by social rules and her domineering mother.  And I'm only in a few episod...

Sigh of relief.  My students felt that the AP Lit exam was okay. We will debrief today, but then leave it in the rear view mirror.  I finished binge-watching a really complicated but well done thriller/mystery series on Netflix called Bodkin . The premise is that a man and his assistant, accompanied by a journalist who is in a spot of trouble, head to a small town in Ireland to track down an old, unsolved disappearances story for a podcast he is producing. Every step leads to deeper, darker secrets, and things get really sketchy fast.  I enjoyed it immensely! It's not my usual fare, but I'm glad I gave it a look.  And that all said, I'm hopeful that today won't be rainy. What a deluge we had again yesterday. I hope we are not getting the entire season's worth of rain in May. The drought last year was awful, and many areas are not even caught up yet. I do hope to get into my garden boxes to weed and so on this weekend, but the weather looks iffy. I'd like to prun...

Today's the day. Do or die.  Well, it's not that earth-shattering, but my students will be the first ones ever in Lisbon's history to take the AP Lit exam.  Then we'll have to wait until July for results.  Agh.  In the meantime, though, I'll have gutted classes (kids taking AP exams for other courses) here and there over the next week. We will do what we can, but mostly, it'll be marking time. Which, to be honest, I don't care one iota. We are continuing on with The Odyssey in Creative Writing, then moving immediately into drama. And in AP Lit, we'll be finishing up poetry, then moving into drama there, too. All plays, some on video, some read aloud in class.  And NO ONE IS GONNA GIVE A DAMN. Except me, of course. So, maybe we can lighten up and have a little fun.  Next Wednesday, my AP Lang kids will have to confront the hydra that is the AP exam-- I am hoping that they practice in the meantime. It's not an easy test. None of them are, but I've ...

I don't know if it's my usual imposter syndrome rearing its ugly head and butting into my teaching life (usually it's restricted to my writing), but I will be so darn glad when the AP tests are all done. For better or worse, it will have ended. I know I'm a good teacher, but these tests are looming over everything I say and do, forcing me to make decisions I'm not as sure about... ugh. And this is why I didn't want to ever do AP. I don't fully believe in it. There are good things that have come out of it, such as a laser focus on the why of things when it comes to analysis, but geez. And the kids don't seem to give one minute of care to it.  They don't care. And that makes me both sad and angry. Maybe a few do, but even so, their attitude is one of "o well, we'll give it a shot, probably gonna suck"-- and yes, that is likely the result for a lot of them. And honestly, one test (or even all of them) will not determine their lives in any...

Monday, 32 degrees. Back to work...  Today, we'll see if any of the kids want to review for next week's AP Lang exam. I will try to help them, but seriously-- I feel like I'm working a helluva lot more than they are.  But that's beside the point. I have my own "to-do" list:  write a book review start gathering poems to work on a full collection manuscript think about what "next steps" I want for myself as a person and as a writer I think part of why I'm feeling so out of balance is because I've invested a ton of time into the teaching gig this year, and add to it I've had a lot of "Holly time" (which is good, but it's time spent), and I have not carved out any meaningful time for me to write, read, or just be . It's critical to my mental well-being to have some quiet time, and to be honest, I'm kind of looking forward to the hour between when I get home and when I have to pick up Holly today. Having G home for the we...

Rainy Sunday.  Maybe it'll clear a bit later-- sure hope so, because this is dreary. We had a glorious week weather-wise until the weekend, of course.  Celtics lost (I don't follow basketball, but still), Bruins lost (sigh), Red Sox are on life support. The weather matches the collective mood, I guess. Still, the daffodils are drinking it all in, the grass is glowingly emerald, and the birds are flitting around in the lilac hedge, playing hide and seek with the new leaves.  There, I switched the tone of the post. lol  Because it's Sunday, and vacation week is over, I am thinking about what's up next for my classes. Tomorrow, the AP Lit kids will be watching a version of Hamlet . They will be a/ disengaged and on their laptops, no matter if I tell 'em to shut them, b/ sort of watching, but talking about sports, prom, or lunch. A select few will watch. They will all have a written response to do, and some will do well, and others will be clueless. Nothing much is goin...

May Eight years since my mother died. Four since my dad died. We buried them both in the month of May. Four since I've seen my sister in person (her choice). Eight since I've seen my aunt and uncle.  My family buries itself over and over again.

I read Ada Limon's farewell address as Poet Laureate of the United States yesterday; I took notes (no surprise there), and I'll be working on a short review/reflection about it soon. Suffice it to say, it is lovely, cogent, and addresses the things that hurt right now.  I binge-watched four of the six episodes of a Netflix series called The Chair last night, at the suggestion of a dear friend. The premise is good: the main character, played by Sandra Oh, is a relatively young chairperson of an English department in a small college. She is tasked with essentially herding the old faculty, while trying to keep the younger ones on a tether, while trying to raise enrollment and engagement in the humanities--the existence of her department depends on this balancing act. Her efforts are complicated by her own family issues with an elderly father and an adopted daughter who keeps running off and/or getting into her own trouble. In short, chaos on the daily. I'm particularly drawn ...

I guess watching/playing with/ herding a four year old is exhausting. Well, no guessing about it. I fell asleep watching a really insipid movie last night, so no big deal, but gee whiz! We also did a stroke of work yesterday-- G's closet is half-empty now, and that's a good thing. And the dog's vet appointment went well; she has an allergy to something, so we're in the process of ameliorating her discomfort (stop the infernal gnawing and itching) and figuring out what she's allergic to. It might be environmental, it might be food, but either way, we have things to try. Poor thing has been uncomfortable for a while. And she has an appointment at the groomer's for next week--summer hair cut! She is a very long-haired pom-doxie, and she's rocking dreads. We brush her, but there is so much hair...I swiffer often, and there's so much hair...  Anyhow, today is a little cooler in temps, it's been raining, and the world is damp and green. We'll see what ...