Things they don't tell you about turning 60... panic edition, and turning to Milton

So, I called the ophthalmologist from work yesterday morning, right after students left. I had started with eye floaters right before bed the night before, didn't think a lot about it (dust? pollen? eye strain?), but at 3:30 am, the bright light flashes when I got up to use the potty. O damn. And my eyes were super dry. Have been for days. (Again, dust, pollen, dirt, computer screens, grading exams...) So I, of course, went to a reputable medical site (Mayo Clinic), looked up the what it could be, and panicked. I mean, full heart-racing panic. Possible retinal detachment or tear. Get help immediately. 

So, I called. I got squeezed in at noon, and after an hour, it was determined that I did, in fact, have a condition. 

I'm old. 

What the actual hell. 

Who knew that as one ages, starting around age 60, the vitreous of the eye starts getting all liquidy, and send out occasional protein strands like freaking New Year's eve streamers. And the flashes are also attributed to aging (as long as they don't become frequent-- that might be another issue). Apparently, as I was told, 6 out of 10 adults in their 60s have this issue (and the percentage goes up as the age brackets do). And as long as the floaters don't look like a swarm of gnats, we're good. This, after having the scan that makes your eyeball look like orange mushrooms. And the dilation of the eyes, with the manual examination. I have a check-back in five weeks, but if some startlingly awful crap happens (pain, blurred vision, "curtaining," or missing vision), I am to call immediately. 

I spent the hours between 10am and 1pm planning out how to live with one working eye. I teach English. I am a writer. My eyes are my business. What a panic-stricken day. 

It's also a wake-up call: I spend too much time on screens. Even when I'm not working, I am on either my phone screen or the computer screen far more than I should be for both mental health and physical health. I need to be aware of extreme dry eye issues (inherited), and the amount of time I'm subjecting myself to the artificial light/screen situation. 

Why am I squandering my eyeballs? 

Milton, at age 46, wrote "On His Blindness": 

When I consider how my light is spent
Ere half my days in this dark world and wide,
And that one talent which is death to hide
Lodg'd with me useless, though my soul more bent
To serve therewith my Maker, and present
My true account, lest he returning chide,
"Doth God exact day-labour, light denied?"
I fondly ask. But Patience, to prevent
That murmur, soon replies: "God doth not need
Either man's work or his own gifts: who best
Bear his mild yoke, they serve him best. His state
Is kingly; thousands at his bidding speed
And post o'er land and ocean without rest:
They also serve who only stand and wait."

And while I'm a bit older than he was at the time he was losing his sight, the first point he makes is well-taken (although I can't afford to "only stand and wait.") I need to consider "how my light is spent," and use it a whole lot better. I'm pretty sure I can appreciate God's creation, and the people who live in it, a whole lot better if I can see all of it much more clearly.

Have a beautiful day. Hold  your loved ones close.

C