On to-do lists, pacing myself, silencing parenting tapes, and good book news

As predicted, it's raining. And also as predicted, I don't mind. Yes, I have some outdoor things to do, eventually, but I could use a quieter day. I hope Holly is up for a quieter day. At any rate, she won't be here for another 45 minutes, so I have my coffee, the dog is sleeping, and it's raining. 

I've been busy, as I'm sure you can guess. Most summers (heck, all vacations from school) are packed with cleaning, projects, and running around. I wonder what it's like to just kick back. No one sets my off-time agenda but me, and I am a brutal scheduler. I trace this behavior back to my mother: we had to always, always be busy doing something productive. In fact, that was one of her favorite lines to say, "do something productive." Why must I always be producing results? I mean yes, the laundry is a thing, and the bathrooms, etc., but why can't I just sit and read or daydream without feeling guilty? I'm almost 60 years old, and I don't know how to "waste time." Another of my mother's phrases: "find something to do or I'll find it for you." 

One thing I do, though, is try to accomplish whatever chores I have by noon each day. Of course, this is not possible when school is in session, but for off-times, it is. I suppose that's a step toward healing. Toward freedom from parental oversight, even though she's been gone since 2018. My poor father was always given tasks to do, and he'd much prefer to sit and read or listen to music. The whip-crack of a to-do list lives on in my head, though, and I want it gone as much as possible. I'll be 60 on Tuesday next week, and it's time I started pacing myself better. 

What I need to do is figure out how to balance my time better. And yes, I built a schedule for me and Holly this summer that involves being busy, but mostly kid-busy. And I kind of hate that sometimes I nag my poor husband when he's "just sitting there"-- there are things that I can't do, that he says he will do, and they are not in process. Sometimes it's okay to let things slide, right? O, but that's a tough one to overcome. I do not want to be my mother anymore. 

That all said, G did a masterful stroke of work yesterday, all things on his to-do list. He was out the door by 6:30 yesterday to go to the first day of PYO strawberries at 4 Corners Farm in Newbury, VT. He picked up the raised bed kit for the new strawberry bed on his way home, and lessee... later in the day, he assembled the new raised bed, filled it with soil and fertilizer, and this all after he cleaned up a pile of branches and other discarded things beside the shed where the strawberry bed will go. I did my part: I washed, hulled, and froze the berries. (And I had folded all the laundry, washed a carpet, and cleaned bathrooms, after Holly went to swim lessons.) Tomorrow, if it's not pouring rain, Holly and I will plant the new strawberry slips I got in the mail. 

See? I don't mind working, and I admire good work done. But I just don't want to feel guilty about taking time to not "do" for a bit. I am getting older, and I don't need to work myself into a frazzle. And I definitely do not need to harass my loved ones into doing my bidding. Working on myself, figuring out balance, and taking some much-needed, guilt-free down time is a good plan for the summer break, right? 

Right. 

AND, in book news: if you are in the area, I'd love to see you at The Frost Place on Saturday, June 27th, 3:30 for my book release gathering! I'll read a few poems, sign books (and maybe sell a few?), and then the stage will be open for a community open mic. As Frost said, "You come, too--." 

AND, today, my book is in the Philly Chapbook Review! 

I hope you have a wonder-filled day. All good things. Hugs all around.

C