Having fun while anxious-- the new paradigm

Well, at least I slept better. Sox lost. Apparently, someone also kicked a 70 yard field goal in a football game yesterday-- all interesting topics for desultory conversation. The weather is going to be hot again. 

We avoid talking about the big things now; what is there to say? That anyone can say? Outrage and bluster and woe permeate every waking moment, every interaction. Nothing is normal, but yet, everything is, because it has to be. Baseball season is sliding into end-of-season stats, football is ramping up, school starts in two weeks. The birds are mobbing the feeder, and the carrots look glorious. Tomatoes are going a little crazy. Yet, the news cycle robs us of full joy. So much pain, anger, and damage-- and we have to carry on. 

(Carrion.)

I hope today is a good day; I plan to go to church, have a good breakfast, and then open up the pool. I'm not ignoring the wider horrors, but I have to do something to push back against it. So, I'll keep going as if nothing is wrong. I'll cling to my normal with both hands.

We are going to Boston this week for a day trip, and I'm nervous. I am excited to see the aquarium and to spend a day with my family, but I also know I'll be on high alert for danger. We have to be. And isn't that the worst feeling? I can't just let go and enjoy things. O, I'm sure people will counter with, "o just get on with it, have a good time." But I'll be watching for the things we see on the news: cars or trucks veering into crowds, ICE agents snatching people off the streets... 

I don't like living like this. It's a paradigm I truly despise. Pray for saner days.

C



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