Choosing to hang onto what little you can that brings joy... even if it's just a 2 hour delay

Two hour delay-- I'll take it. Would I have liked another snow day? Sure. But then they do start stacking up in the spring, don't they? I'll have a slower cup of coffee this morning, and I will leave for work a little before 9:00, instead of 7:00. It also means I'll be home later, but I'll figure that part out. 

In the meantime, I'm trying not to obsess about the national news cycle. It's so freaking dystopian. There are myriad books and movies, not to mention historical events, that are parallels, but not real parallels. We are watching the implosion of a structure in real time via social media. It's frightening. 

And yet, I still have to figure out teaching sonnets to my creative writing class, and short stories with a focus on complex characters and situations to the AP Lit crew. I have my Academic Team going to a tournament locally in less than two weeks. There are real concerns that should be occupying my mind. Joy is always being tempered, too-- it's hard to muster up excitement or happiness about anything beyond good toast or coffee. There's always going to be serious and unsettling things that hide under anything that brings ease or contentment-- shoes are always dropping. And there are plenty of people who make sure to remind you. On any "normal" day, it would be something we can compartmentalize, because we have to feel happy about something, or we will just tumble headlong into a pit of despair. But yet, the bad stuff is everywhere, and given the protracted sense of doom and despair, it's getting harder and harder to feel anything other than a bleak sense of fatalism. As a person who struggles mightily with depression, I can tell you that this is not easy to manage at all. 

And I don't know about you, but I feel kind of guilty liking things, being pleased with them, when there is so much angst to go around. There's always reminders that what you like is tainted, or that others don't have those things right now, and we should not feel even temporary joy in something. The media creates a huge disconnect, even with something so silly and simple as "eat this ice cream" ...followed by obesity drugs and warnings. Can't we have one thing to hang onto when the world is crumbling at a record pace?

So yesterday's snow day was lovely, sort of. There are millions without power, thousands who are unhoused, and there are the overworked public safety folks to think of. And I spent far too much time online, I will admit. Too much overwhelm, too much backbiting, blaming, nay-saying, hurtful stuff. I wanted to read other things, but they are inconveniently squished in between all of this other stuff. Political, social, sports-related-- all negative stuff streaming into my brain. And I did it to myself, but finally, I had enough. I watched Food TV until bedtime.

We have it in our hands to be happy, to feel and create joy. And we also have it in our hands to destroy our happiness. I chose unwisely. Today, I will try to do better. 

Have a good day, and hold your loved ones close.

C