The Beige Life

It's so strange when you take down the Christmas tree and all the decorations. I didn't even decorate a lot, but the cavernous quality of the space, and the somewhat bland look to the rooms, is almost palpable. My living room walls are solid wood paneling, quite nice, actually, but they are wood. And the thermal curtains over the big window are mushroom grey. My furniture is an odd collection of equally muted tones. It all happened that way-- the boring palette was not intentionally chosen-- and for the most part, it's both comfortable and restful. But the predominant tone feels (and looks) pretty beige. Like my closet in winter, actually. 

Beige Grey Brown Black 

I've been making a concerted effort to include some pops of color in my wardrobe, but the house remains, for a nice term, neutral. I don't think I'd be happy in a color-chaos; I've seen other homes with startling shades on the walls and a plethora of busy wall art-decorations-ephemera clustered all around. I can't do it. I need visually-open space or I get overwhelmed. In my clothing choices, there are a few pieces that are not boring --yes, I said it-- but I love my wool sweaters, my dark leggings, etc. I don't mind fun socks, though. The more colorful, the better. So I suppose that looks like I know how to have fun, but I'd rather be comfortable. Upon reflection, that tracks.

So, now that the decorations are waiting to be hauled upstairs and stowed away for another 11 months, my house looks, in some ways, both tidy and the optical version of hold music. Sigh. Except, I left the strand of snowflake lights over the door to the front room where I have my desk, the room that we spent a lot of time switching back to my sanctuary about almost two weeks ago. That little sparkle hints at whimsy in this expanse of predictability. 

That tracks, too. 

I overheard a comment yesterday by a student that gave me real pause. As in, I almost ugly-cried. Apparently, there are some students who are avoiding my classes because they are not fun. I mean, I build in some silly stuff, we have fun moments, but yes, my classes are focused, with learning targets firmly in place. I teach all dual credit courses, and I have to please both the host colleges and the standards with what we do. And frankly, College Composition is not exactly a vessel for too much creativity. And these same students who assert that my classes are too hard/ boring have not taken any other class with me: they have no idea what goofy stuff is in British Lit, American Lit, or Creative Writing. I felt tarred and feathered. They have branded me based on one experience, and it's not reasonable. But that's my reputation, I guess.

Maybe I try too hard to make their experience valuable to them, instead of a play date of 18 weeks. They take the class knowing that it is meant to replicate the strictures that college classes may well put on them, with deadlines and higher expectations. They manage to wade through, and most succeed in putting together work that will help them do well later on when they go to college outside of our school setting. But I guess that's just not fun enough. I don't spend weeks having them create monsters, or fold origami book covers in class, or make little videos, or whatever mayhem they are hoping for. The fun projects we do in almost all of my classes are relevant, but they do include costumes, food, music, and so on... they either forget or they don't care.

I guess I'm boring. Or ask too much? That may well track, too. I am intensely focused on helping students succeed, and I expect them to revise and rework essays to learn and grow as writers. But I'm just not fun. 

It's a lot to process. Mostly, I know in my mind that their criticisms are not fair, but there's probably an element of truth in it, too. It's hard to entertain students these days; I am not a walking, talking Snapchat or Tik Tok reel. They have the attention span of a gold fish. And I expect them to shut off the computer and to mentally and physically engage in work that matters, not to me, but (and they don't see it) to them. 

I guess I'm beige.

Have a good day. I am going to be in an all-day writing class today that will push my creativity buttons. I'm excited. Maybe I'll take on some other hues.

C