Not yet, summer. I need you to stick around!

Cool summer mornings give me a hint of what is to come, and my heart is crying "not yet, not yet." I can't help but hear the whisperings of fall, and I want to ignore them. In fact, I must ignore them. While the summer has been (so far) decent --the weather's been nice, the garden boxes are producing, I've gotten a little pool time and reading time in-- I do not for one minute feel relaxed or renewed. Too much stress. Things are unbalanced, and my soul is yearning for quietude. 

There are no guarantees of balance, either. I hope that after G's foot surgery, we'll be in less of an anxious holding pattern, and on our way to restoring some normalcy. The summer concerts, the beach trip, even going out to eat have all been put on hold. We can say there is always next year, but practical experience tells me that there is never a guarantee. It is my hope and goal to grab a few sunny, warm, quiet days before the necessary shift to school-schedule happens in just a couple short weeks. I don't know if it'll happen (it'll probably rain, right?), but I need it like oxygen and water. I feel like I'm gasping for something essential so much of the time.

I am, at heart, a voluntarily solitary person. I crave stretches of silence. It's a rare commodity these days. I thought about heading out to the deck yesterday while Holly was napping, but between very noisy trucks with apparently no muffler and the neighbor who was running a full-sized wood chipper, the birds and I stood no chance of quiet. Last evening, I joined G on the deck for a few minutes, but the mosquitos were out in force. And so it goes, right? I'll manage. I'll find some quiet. I must. I fantasize about being outside with a warm breeze and nothing but birds to listen to. I'll make it happen.

Today, I need to figure out some time to read. I have a poem packet to consider for my conference in August. I have two books of poems to read and annotate for reviews I've agreed to write. And my brain needs feeding. I need to immerse myself for a while in words that don't make me angry or sad. Doom scrolling is toxic. And frankly, I do too much of that as a distraction. It's not a good one.

Maybe some pool time is in the offing, if it warms up a bit. Yesterday, the water was far too chilly from days of cooler temps and rain. There's lots of maybes in my not-very-formed plan.

I hope your Saturday is full of good things.

C