Maybe I can finally convince myself that I am a writer?




After a very short night's sleep (awake at 2:15, nothing after), I got up, groggy and needing as much coffee as I could gulp down. I have a pretty busy day ahead: laundry, bed linens, groceries... but first, check emails.

Hooray! I got a lovely long letter from the editor of a new publication called The Gravel Road. I usually do not send work out to new journals these days, because there's no guarantee they will see the light of day. But this one intrigued me, because it is described as a journal dedicated to "agricultural arts" and storytelling. I have a few poems about rural life, so I sent off a set of five. They accepted all five, and there's a small honorarium included. (I feel like Jo March waving her five dollars!!)

This is on the heels of my getting news that two other poems appear in Synaeresis arts + poetry, an online publication from Canada.

And another poetry book review was published yesterday on MicroLit Almanac (the editor, Cat Parnell, is so nice to me, giving my musings a home). 

I decided to count the poems I have had published: 73. Poetry book reviews: 7. There's a few other bits and pieces as well (not counting this little blog). 

That's beginning to look like a body of work, at least to me. So why do I still shy away from calling myself a writer? Imposter syndrome runs deep. I have words in the world with my name attached. 

It is such a weird thing, this being so cringey and self-effacing. I don't think it's false modesty: I claim what I do well (cooking, teaching) with relative ease. Why not this? I want to embody the role without feeling like it's borrowed clothing. 

Tomorrow, I have an all-day workshop with other writers (there, I said it aloud), working on deep revision of new poems. I am really super excited to spend some good hours with other people who write, and a good half of them I don't even know yet! That's exciting. Okay, a little nerve-wracking, because of that stupid "am I really..." factor. 

What the hell. I have a chapbook due out next February. Other people tell me I'm a writer. I need to convince myself.

Have a good day,

C


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