58? Really? OK, bring it on!

Today is my birthday. It's always been a little complicated; only one time did classmates come to a birthday party (school being out, no one was usually around). On my 11th birthday, two classmates did come, and my mother thought it a great idea to present me with my first razor in front of them. Like, here, kid, you are a gorilla. Go shave. (Mortified doesn't even come close.)

Sigh. Other birthdays have been really good: G gave me my engagement ring on my 19th birthday (he'd asked me to marry him six months earlier, but we were broke college kids, so I was happy to wait). My 30th birthday was pretty decent; we had a party, friends came, and we played tipsy volleyball in the rain. Most of the rest of my birthdays have been very low key or hardly registering a blip on the turning of the sun radar. My birthday in 2021 was upsetting; that was the first time I really knew my dad had vascular dementia. He never forgot my birthday, but that year, he did. And when I reminded him, as proof he was not of sound mind (it was a testy conversation), he told me it was not important. That was totally unlike him. It still stings. 

I get anxious around holidays; if I make plans, they almost always go sour. We have no plans for today. I have a head cold, I have to read at church, and we are going to be babysitting for most of the day otherwise. I'd like to go to the movies, or to a play, or out to eat, but that's not going to happen. It is, for all intents and purposes, just a day. And that's probably okay, in the grand scheme of things. 

For many years, I usually spent my birthday, or close to it, at the Conference on Poetry and Teaching with The Frost Place-- with my poetry family. The Board shifted their vision last year, right after the conference was finally back in person post-Covid, and summarily eliminated the conference and my job along with it-- and now the conference, in a slightly different format, has been relocated to Monson Arts in the wilds of central Maine. And I'm not going; first, because I was helping Meg with Holly due to Tim's recovery, and now, with G's foot injury-- yeah, it was not in the cards. So, I'm a little sad I won't be hanging out with the very people who "get me" the most this year. Maybe next year. It's quite a long drive, and a big expense, but it's a goal.

And you know you've hit full adult-mode when the first two cards you get are from your doctor and your dentist. And a free coffee offer from Starbucks (I will collect on that one). 

I appreciate any and all greetings, of course. And Meg made a huge charcuterie dinner for us on Friday night, complete with fancy cupcakes from a bakery that we like. G surprised me with two more books I have wanted and a funny tee shirt, and Meg and Holly sent me a Starbucks gift card. I'll be set for a bit!

Today, I'll likely find something to do that is fun and interesting, even if it's watching a movie on the TV. Maybe I'll bake brownies with Holly.

Hope your day is awesome,

C