Renewal, growth, and practicing the pause

I wonder if you are all entirely sick of hearing about spring? I hope not. I'm still shying away from writing my thoughts (outrage) at the level of corruption that is seeping and sliming its way out of the various court cases that are dominating the news cycle. Suffice it to say, it's a real cause for both caution and misery.

So, spring! The plum tree is glorious! The pear trees are awash in tiny white blooms! The apple trees are about to burst into pale pink frothiness! (How's that for a series of exclamations?) The grass is unruly, the new bee hive is buzzing (literally), and the daffodils have passed their prime. The azaleas are huge fuchsia pompons in front of my house, cheering on the lilacs that are quickly leafing out. The tiny, tight purple cones of soon-to-be flowers hint at a beautiful display to come. 

Birds wing and sing, starting quite early in the morning. I have little house finches that dart and settle, curious and surprisingly loud in their warblings. 

So there. A paean to season. It's been lovely to have temperatures in the 70s the last couple of days-- today, we are supposed to shift back to 50s and more rain. Not surprised. It is, after, just May. 

I'm starting to feel itchy and antsy (and it's not just the profundity of pollen). I have a book of poems I want to read/annotate/write about. I have only a few more weeks with students. I do not have a big summer plan, and I think I won't make one. I'm still reeling from a decade of things that have impacted my life, and I'm frankly tired of playing defense. I have not allowed myself a breather. I need one. If anything, this past full week of non-sleep is a real tell: if I don't get some rest, some truly necessary mental rest and physical healing time, it won't go well for me. So, this summer, I will not push string.

What do I mean? I will not fret about things I can't fix (yeah, right, I hear that, but it's a goal). I will attend to the things that need my attention around hearth and home. If the weather cooperates, I will be outside every day, without the phone handy. I will go to local events. I will spend mad stretches of time reading. Writing. Talking to my loved ones about things that are not dire. 

I will work on that mindfulness goal. I will learn how to practice the pause meaningfully. 

Why not? I deserve some measure of peace that is not purchased at the expense of my well-being. Spring --and summer-- is a time for renewal and growth. I need to grow.

Have a good day,

C