Wasting time is a false notion-- "down time" and mental health

I'm intrigued by the notion of "wasting time." I was raised in a strangely complex dogma, squinched between "find something to do or I'll find something for you" and a parent who reveled in sitting to read, to listen to music, or to have conversations. Needless to say, guilt won and still wins. I'm constantly filling my time with necessary and sometimes unnecessary or trivial projects and chores. Granted, a neat and clean environment does bring me joy, whereas chaos and clutter do not. That said, though, I always feel like I have to earn my "down time," to justify sitting and reading. That's just plain unhealthy. 

Time to think, to read, to listen, to ponder deeply is essentially generative. But my art --my writing-- was seen as a cute hobby, not an actual, worthy pursuit. I've got to break that cycle: creating is doing. Rest is important. And I'm the adult in the room, answerable to no one but myself-- certainly not that strident, dictatorial voice in my head. That has to stop.

Maybe that's the key to finding balance. I need to claim time for my brain to buzz along with whatever I'm interested in, not just grocery lists and grading papers, deadlines and so on. 

What joy that would bring! 

Of course, I'll likely slide into duty far too often; a pattern that is ingrained won't be easily rooted out. And there is something comforting in getting things accomplished. But I am going to stop making excuses for taking the time I need to keep my mind healthier. 

There. Not exactly a New Year's resolution, but maybe a mental health promise to myself. 

Have a good day. Do something you love.

C