Trees and Toddlers

Today, G will be primary care-giver for Holly, which is going to be a lot of singing, marching, and other shenanigans. She sure loves her Papa! They arrived at the house at 5:15 this morning-- Holly is an early riser-- and off we go! 

We will be choosing a Christmas tree later today (at least, that is the plan). While we may not be feeling as festive as we normally might be, it's important to me, and to her parents, that we preserve some holiday magic for the tiny one. She is totally aware of Santa, of lights and sparkle and snow. I would not do a thing to harm this for her-- things are too stressful already, and she deserves stability and magic. So, we will do that. It's the very least I can do.

It'll take a few days to decorate it, and I can't do a thing until the lights are strung on it. That is a job I usually bow out of because 1/ I'm too short, and 2/ G and I do not work well together on things like that. That has been Meg's special talent--both hanging lights with her father and working well with him on those types of tasks. I wish she was going to be around, not just so she could help with the lights, but in general. I miss her deeply. She is more than just a daughter-- she is a person I would seek to be friends with even if we were not related. I need a coffee date and a good laugh so much.

I'm learning this "new normal" one day at a time. Every lesson and little loss, every shift and reframing brings it home to me again and again just how much I need my little family. This time of year is hard enough in some ways, and I usually feel stressed to get all the trims and trappings done. This time around, I just want the one thing that seems elusive-- everyone home, happy, and healthy. It's a hard lesson, and one I really am struggling with.

Still, it's only the first week of December. We will try to catch some glittering hope in a bottle and let it light our way to better times. 

Pray for my little family, please. We need strength, hope, resilience, and patience. 

C