The Dangerous but Necessary Act of Reading--

I woke up at 5:30 from a really stressful dream; somehow, I'd said something at school that resulted in me being questioned, arrested, and then, after a trial, eventually I was being sent to jail. I have no idea what I'd said, or even if I'd really said it. They walked me out of school in front of kids, even. Dystopian much? Such is the world we live in, though. 

Yesterday, I spent a really great day online reading and talking about Rilke with a group of smart poets-- some of them friends of mine, others, I'd met in other classes, and I'm pretty sure I'd be real-life friends with them as well, if we ever met in person. Or even in other online classes-- I think I'd say they are friendly acquaintance at this point. All of them talented writers and genuinely curious and interesting people. I wish I had that kind of experience more often--this hanging out and talking about literature and writing and sharing drafts is true food for my starving writer-soul. 

At any rate, I have another full day to be with these lovely humans, with good words and work, and to steep myself in what I need to get through until the next time. Unfortunately, there is no guarantee of a next time, though, and that makes me very sad. But that's a story for another day.

I wish I had a local group I could do this sort of thing with, but there are no pockets of poets to be found. I am glad to have my usual writing group online, and that's fun, too, but the focus is different. I am happiest considering a text and teasing it out with other people, to see how it works, and to ponder the mystery of the writing. 

An elementary teacher and I were talking the other day about what we like to read "for fun"-- it turns out, he likes historical fiction, and so do I. He asked if I'd ever started a book club at school, and to be honest, the entire thought of that makes me cringe. Some years back, the admins started one, and we were supposed to suggest and then read pedagogical texts together. GROSS.  There's not too many people on our staff that would read deeply and want to discuss books or poetry like I do. That's not an ego statement-- truly, they have their own interests that I don't share, I'm sure. But mostly I'm the odd duck on campus. 

So I'm glad to have this little respite, but it makes me sad, too, that it will end around 3pm today, and then I'll be back to my solitary reading/thinking, for the most part. Sometimes I rant and ramble to family members, but since they haven't read the material, it's more just me spouting out loud, and they do a lot of sympathetic nodding. I appreciate them for listening, but I want the challenge of conversation. 

After today, I need to get back to reading the poetry mss that I'm supposed to be reviewing-- that is the closest I can come to approximating the discussion I crave the most. It's not nothing.

If anyone wants to co-read something and then talk about it, hit me up. It looks like it is going to be a long, snowy winter.

Take care,

C