What to Write About...? And why is my brain so dang busy when I'm trying to sleep?

I'm so glad I have my dedicated writing group today. We meet every other week on Zoom, and we start with a dictation one of us has brought. Then we move on to fast prompts, with an open invitation to share the blurts aloud. Two hours go by pretty quickly! And I get some ideas, which is the whole point, at least from the writing standpoint. If left to myself, I tend to keep writing the same thing, over and over again, with little variation. It's exhausting and exhausted. 

My stress/busy dreams lately have been filled with my father; how to get him to eat, how to keep him safe, etc. He passed away in 2021, so one would think that these worries would have dissipated by now. But no, my brain needs to keep re-processing these issues-- why? I have no idea. Clearly, I'm working out those residual feelings of not having done enough, or done things well enough. I've written about it for a long time, both in poetry and prose, but I guess there's more to air out. I hope it's over with soon, as I really need some sleep. Perhaps it's because this is the first stretch of unscheduled time I've had in years; I'm not working a summer job, and I'm not tending to ailing parents, and I'm not doing post-mortem paperwork. I'm just...me. And it's been a rainy, blah kind of weather summer, so there's been a lot of in-my-own-head time. One would think that it would be a good thing to have time to finally rest and process, and maybe it is, but the path my brain is taking is a fraught one. 

And I'm tired. I don't think I have ever been this tired--physically and mentally. Again, I assume it is part of the "healing" process, having kept up a high level of activity and emotional stress for so many years. But wow, school is starting in two weeks, and I'm just not ready. 

I'm hopeful of sleep, and I'm hopeful of peace. It takes a lot of energy some days to be hopeful of either one, but the alternatives are untenable. There are some professional loose ends that are yet to be tied up, too, and maybe when those are resolved, I'll sleep better. 

Today, I will write with friends. That much, I can do. The rest will just have to work itself out.

Take care,

C