Sometimes, you get the answers you need--- from the story of Elijah

Whether it is serendipity or the workings of the Holy Spirit, the homily given by our church deacon yesterday was exactly what I needed to hear. Yesterday, I was writing to you about how my brain is not done processing the experiences of the last few years, especially those surrounding my dad's decline. About how tired --exhausted, depleted-- I've been. So, in the homily, Deacon Steve talked about his perceptions that he'd gained from the readings: that yes, they are about God's power, but more, they are about God's healing grace. 

The story of Elijah is the one that struck me most; the passage (Kings 19:4) just before the one we read in church is the one where Elijah is past exhausted, and he wants to give up and die. He's tried for so long, and he feels defeated. The text says,

"he himself [Elijah] went a day’s journey into the wilderness. He came to a broom bush, sat down under it and prayed that he might die. 'I have had enough, LORD,' he said. 'Take my life; I am no better than my ancestors.'”

Of course, God sends an angel to Elijah in his sleep, and he tells Elijah to get up, and to eat and drink. He does, and then falls back asleep. Remember, Elijah is just done with it all, not out of spite, but because he has given so much. The angel wakes him up again, and tells him he needs to eat again, as the journey ahead will be too much for him, if he does not. 

More journey? More to be done? I totally relate to how Elijah felt at that moment. You just want to lay down to sleep or die, whichever comes first. Or both. As long as you get some relief. But the angel convinces Elijah to go on, because there is more to do. The text goes on to say,

"So he got up and ate and drank. Strengthened by that food, he traveled forty days and forty nights until he reached Horeb, the mountain of God" (Kings 19:18).

Elijah finds a cave, and he waits for the Lord. God speaks to Elijah, asking, "What are you doing here?" (Kings 19:9). Good question, eh? Then, there's a huge windstorm, then an earthquake. Then, there's a huge fire. God is not in any of these, at least not for Elijah. Then, there comes a small voice, a whisper. Elijah is asked again, "What are you doing here?" (Kings 19:13).

Elijah recounts to God that he's worked long and hard for the cause, as it were, and he's the only one left doing anything, and he's likely to be killed as well. He's been going it alone, doing all the hard stuff, and he feels like it's been pointless. God tells him to go back the way he came (Kings 19: 15-16) and anoint several people that He names specifically-- get some real helpers, in essence. So, Elijah dusts himself off, takes the directions given, and goes on with the journey. 

OK, while most of us are not in Elijah's position exactly, we surely can relate to feeling like a complete failure, or at least inadequate, when we've worked so hard for something, only to have it seem like it was never going to succeed. Whether this feeling is job-related or has to do with caring for ill family members, or whatever long-haul difficulties or tasks we have to stay engaged with, at some point, we are ready to throw in the towel. We're past tired, we're defeated, we doubt our own abilities to make a difference at all. We look for our own broom tree, and want to have the burdens go away.

So what can we learn from the Book of Kings and the story of Elijah? We are not alone. We may feel like it a lot of the time, but there will come a moment, usually when we are exhausted, when the still, small voice is something we are finally quiet enough to hear. It's not that Elijah-- or we-- are left to do all the work ourselves. We aren't; sometimes, it feels like it, but I wonder, too, if we either don't see the helpers, or we--like Elijah--have asked the wrong people to help. 

I learned a lot about myself over the last several years of intense emotional and physical activity: I can do hard things, if I just pace myself. I have talents and resources that I've rarely tapped into. Those talents and resources are not infinite, and I can be, and have been, at breaking point over and over again. I have people I thought I could rely on, but they proved to be unable or unwilling to help. That is one of the things I have had to process, and I've come to the realization that people can only give what they have to give, emotionally or physically. And if they are unwilling to give, that's a limitation they live with, and I can't resent it-- it's their handicap, not mine. I also have people I can count on, and they are my greatest blessing.

Most of all, I learned that patience is not my strong suit, but persistence is. And that prayer, even the screaming, crying, wailing kind, is still prayer. Answers come, if I listen. 

And yes, healing comes, if I listen. 

Have a good day,

C