Damp Monday, with a side of house work--musings on summer break's end

 

It's Monday of the last "sort of free" week. This summer, as I've often written, has not felt very summery-- just yesterday, Holly asked me, "Ready pool?" and I had to say, yet again, that the water was too cold. She responded, "I'm sad." Trust me, sweetie, so am I.

That said, it's not been a bad summer, just not the warm, swimming every day, reading on the deck, having a beer outside at twilight idyll I had hoped for. I've hardly even worn shorts and tank tops. 

I do like autumn, usually. I love the hush and chirrchirrchirr of crickets in the overgrown flower beds. I love the glorious changing of leaves to a riot of color. But I'm not in love with the damp and cold. We've had enough damp for quite some time, and to be honest, I would love to trade a few days with just about anywhere else in the country. I feel bad complaining; they have had murderous heat and dry weather. Just yesterday, I was spraying the sill on the deck with a mold/mildew killer. The smell and the incipient rot worries me-- but at least I'm not baking bread in my mailbox.

I read a friend's blog this morning, and she mentioned that she felt like she had to "grasp" at fun. That phrase is exactly right, I think. Some years, summer tumbles into your lap-- a burgeoning garden, concerts, yard sales, trips to the beach... not this year. This year, "fun" feels earned. Granted, we skipped the church picnic yesterday-- I just wanted to sit on my deck, listen to a little baseball, read, and then Holly and Meg came outside and we sat in the sunshine and watched Holly play. G mowed the front yard, but the grass is so thick, it is going to be a multi-step project. All I wanted to do is soak up sunshine and let it dry my soggy heart. We have plans to go to the fair at the end of the week, so that should be good. Seeing Holly get excited about the animals will be a lot of fun. Maybe there'll be a fried dough for me, too.

But in the middle of this week, I go back to work for the teacher in-service and room prep stuff on Wed. and Thurs. I'm still trying to pump up some excitement-- the getting into the harness thing is harder to do than it used to be. So many of my friends and colleagues have moved on to post-teaching lives, and I envy their flexible schedules and adventures. Part-time teachers don't get state retirement, and I'm not even close to federal retirement age, so I'll keep plodding along. That's a negative image, isn't it? I'll find my spark, don't worry. 

What it'll take is the doing of it. Once I'm in my classroom, it will all click. It always does. And I have some great kids to work with, and some great coursework to share with them. I just dread the other stuff--the paperwork, the meetings, the fire drills, the active shooter training, the disaster preparedness workshops. All of that is required and probably necessary, but it's not what I *do*--it's what needs to be done. So, I will find my spark, the balance, and try to tip the balance in my favor. We will talk, and write, and laugh a little, and find interesting connections between what we read and what's going on in the world--that stuff is what I do best.

But today? I'll do housework and get this house in order. It helps me get my mental house tidy, too, when I am ordering my physical space. 

I hope your day is glorious,

C