Paperwork--

I've been thinking a lot about getting my own personal paperwork in order lately. Maybe it's just that I turned 57, coupled with the horror show that existed when my father died (not to mention the total mess when my mother died). At any rate, I've written down where all of my passwords and insurance papers and so on are located into a small notebook in my file drawer. Neither of my parents were all that good about paperwork-- my mother refused to deal with it at all (she told me I'd just have to figure it out in a really prickly conversation about two weeks before she died), and my dad's affairs were scattered, to say the least. His vascular dementia didn't help, either-- the checkbooks (yes, plural) were a nightmare scenario. I vowed then and there not to leave my family with that mess. 

I wouldn't exactly say I'm obsessed with my own demise. No, I want to live a productive and happy life. But it's a lot, isn't it? To be a middle-aged woman in our country today, with inequities in health care and other services, and the existential dread of "what would my family do if I died"-- bills, etc. loom large in my mind. We don't have a burial plot and so on; that's one of those things we keep kicking down the road. My family knows that I want a very simple cremation, though. But I do NOT want to sit on a shelf in a jar.

It would have been great if I'd been able to work full-time, put aside actual money for the "later years." But that has not been my lot, and I'm hopeful that if I can at least tell people where to find stuff, it'll be useful. It won't be "enough" but it'll help pay off the bills, anyhow. And, I hope, save them the brutal headaches.

How morbid, right? But necessary. Maybe it's because just a year ago I was sorting through the required legal stuff after my father passed away, and it was hard to both be clear-minded and grieving. Executorship is a real trip, lemme tell ya.

That all said, I hope I can sleep better. I didn't fall asleep 'til almost midnight, and I was up before five. Wakefulness is no picnic. 

What do I want to do today? Not much. Enjoy my family. They are precious, even when they tick me off. Ultimately, they are all I really have, my true wealth.

Take care, and hug your loved ones,

C