Movie Recommendation: The Tender Bar

"You're a writer the minute you say you are. Nobody gives you a diploma--you have to prove it, at least to yourself."

The Tender Bar (2021) is a story about family, about hopes and hard work, and what you really have to do to put your own "demons" to rest. Directed by George Clooney and starring, among others, Ben Affleck and Christopher Lloyd, the narrative begins in 1973, with young Jr and his mother having to move back in with her father, who is a crusty old man who has to support a revolving cast of failed and/or struggling family members. Jr's father is a radio personality, one who is essentially absent from his life except when Jr searches for his voice on the radio. The few times they do meet are disappointing, and Jr is not really all that upset-- his extended family is all he needs. Jr is the entire family's brightest hope; his mother's obsession is to get him accepted to Yale or Harvard and for him to become a lawyer. This is her dream, and Jr goes along with it, even to the point of getting accepted and being awarded full tuition-- but he wants to be a writer. 

The most engaging character in the film is Jr's Uncle Charlie, played by Ben Affleck. He is smart, witty, complicated, and honest-- he is the male role model in Jr's life, and a good one. He is a hard worker, but can't seem to get ahead (or does he want to?). Charlie is devoted to Jr, to his sister who has nothing but bad luck, and to the rest of the family. He works in a bar called Dickens, and it is through Charlie that Jr becomes an obsessive reader. Charlie could have and probably should have gone to college, but he made up for it by becoming a wide reader and student of life himself. He is the steady influence Jr needs in this chaotic but loving family dynamic.

No spoilers, but Jr does well in school, does well in college, has the fortune/misfortune to fall in love with a woman who cannot commit to him, gets an entry-level job at The New York Times (but does not get a reporter's position, due to lack of experience), and he ultimately decides that he needs to stop following other people's maps for his life. He goes on a road trip to confront his father, puts those "demons" to rest, and is finally ready to follow his own desires.

There is a running joke that he feels lucky because "publishing is trending toward memoir." The Tender Bar is based on the author J.R. Moehringer's experiences, and he co-wrote the film. It is a really well-acted film with many poignant and relatable moments. For me, it was somewhat personal, too-- not my experiences, but definitely my time period. The main character goes to college one year before I did; I understand the misguided ideas of success that were driving his mother (lawyer?!!)-- the 80s were all about status and material wealth. And the central idea of confronting what others want for you --or didn't do for you-- in order to finally move into your own life feel very real to me. 

I became a teacher because my mother insisted I get a degree in something that would pay the bills: "no one is going to pay you to read books" is what she said. I went to a small state college because she didn't want me to be too far away from their reach ("living in a den of iniquity" was the phrase). So many big life choices were made for me, and I didn't know how to effectively advocate for myself. It's taken a long time, and I'm still working on it. So yes, the film hit pretty close to home on that level. 

I highly recommend this movie. It's not for young kids (language, sex, alcohol, family violence), but none of those things are gratuitous to the plot. Christopher Lloyd's portrayal of the family patriarch is complex and I wish I knew a little more of his back story, but it's enough to know that he takes care of his family, even with all of the grumbling. As people say, "he's not wrong." They are all stuck in their lives, and he supports them, even as he tries to maintain some personal boundaries. He is extremely proud of and fond of Jr, and they have a good relationship. Jr loves his chaotic family life, even though he must leave, in order to break free from the trap they all have fallen into. 

Give it a look. I think you'll like it. Information about the film is here.

Have a good day,

C