Hurt, Anger, and the Seven Deadly Sins--A Shift in Thinking

Something in yesterday's homily at church got me thinking; I have been long overdue for a shift in how I process events such as disappointments and set-backs. I am wondering about the connection between being hurt and becoming angry. Anger is a pretty heavy load to carry, and I tend to overpack my duffle. 

I can't see a real separation between anger and hurt; when I stub my toe, it hurts, and I lash out at the inanimate object that impeded my way (yes, I do call out the footstool). When plans fall apart, it sometimes triggers anger. When someone hurts my feelings or insults me, I get angry. I am eternally angry at people I don't know in Congress and other levels of public life. The list goes on, and it's pretty petty and shameful, upon inspection. But the root of all this annoyance and anger is that I feel hurt. I don't mean the quick, temporary hurt that comes when someone else's name gets drawn in a raffle. That's an "oh, well" moment. Or the hurt that comes from someone eating the last brownie or other treat. I mean the kind of hurt that, at least to me, feels calculated. Someone goes out of their way to cause me embarrassment, pain, or humiliation-- or so it seems. It's all about them, right? They have the issue? It's not mine to pick up and carry. Easy to say. Not so easy to live. 

The people in government are not going out of their way to hurt me personally, yet their actions are sometimes immensely hurtful and targeted at people and groups I care about. That hurt leads to anger pretty quickly. What is going on? How can I help? What can I do about it? Positive action tends to mitigate that feeling of anger and referred pain. It makes the anger manageable, and can result in good things.

Other times, the hurt that becomes anger is caused by people a lot closer to me: colleagues, family, acquaintances. I'm not as certain how to address that feeling, because "talking it out" tends to only escalate the issue. So I pick up the hurt, pack it into tightly stuffed mental and emotional bags, and carry it around. Not good. Not healthy. Too heavy. 

I need to remind myself that if it's not mine to carry, I should not pick it up, whatever the "it" is-- I tend to borrow trouble, and store up hurts like there's a war on. Well, there is; with my sense of self. Anger only hurts me, and I need to stop making war on my own psyche. I am the only direct casualty.

The Middle Ages were a fraught time (what era is not?)-- and there was a focus on the seven deadly sins. Anger is one of them-- this loops back to the homily yesterday. I used to think that being angry with someone was sinful because it can lead to acting out against them. Now, I'm starting to think that maybe the sinfulness of anger is rooted in the self-harm that it causes. 

Big "hm" right there. 

Have a good day,

C