Saying No, Saying Yes, and I Want Some Cake

I had incredibly chaotic dreams last night, none of which hang together with any sort of narrative arc. There were people at a party at my home (but it was not the one I live in), ostensibly to celebrate my husband's birthday (which is not for another month). But there were people there who wanted to talk about biddy basketball and double dribbling (!!), creating a kid-friendly event of some sort that involved music, sports, and some sort of arts thing (not a bad idea, but...), and then some other guy was making moves on my husband, insisting he was going to be his partner (!!), and then former students appeared: one bearing a deadly spider in a small plastic box ("Look what I found at the dam!") and one calling me to talk about the kid festival and what he could/could not do--but I was not the organizer of the event, so I did not have a clue what he was talking about. And then there was a person who worked for a bank asking me if I'd consider leaving teaching to work at the bank, so I floated how much I'd have to earn, and she thought I was too low in my salary requirements. 

And it went on. And on. All these people, most of whom were well-meaning, all asking me for my help, advice, and attention. Too much. And I didn't even get any cake. All I wanted was a peaceful moment, a piece of cake, and a cup of coffee. But nope. Those were all gone. As was my patience.

So what am I to do with this brain-dump of weirdness? Sorting through the window dressing of strange people and things, it's pretty clear that my usual practice of helping everyone who asks, especially for kid-related things, is deeply embedded in my psyche. And it appears I'm not very good at setting boundaries, or even taking care of my simple wishes (I still want a piece of cake, but I have coffee right now, so that helps). I need to set priorities. I need to learn to say no. And mean it.

I've been easing myself into the practice of late, but I really need to stop picking up stuff that isn't mine to carry, and to hold fast to the boundaries I set. It is a good practice, true self-care, to use a trendy phrase. We all have limited energy and resources, both financial and time "banks" that don't fill up as quickly as the demands would empty them. 

I suspect that this particular dream-scape stems from the overall busy-ness that comes from closing out one semester and starting a new one with new classes and students all in the same week. I don't know who thought that was a great plan, but maybe it's something we need to look at during a staff meeting or something. Professional self-care is important, too-- just because "they" pay you, doesn't mean you are there to be spread so thin you can't function. It seems I'm a little late learning all this.

Okay, so take care of yourself. Set good, sustainable expectations and boundaries. And get some coffee.

Have a good day,

C