Is Your Candy Sexy Enough?

In stark contrast to the national and international news of woe, pain, anguish, and suffering, there's Tucker Carlson's apparent disillusionment with M&M spokescandies' lack of sexuality.

What the actual hell.

The new purple candy is "obese" (although she is the same size as the blue and the yellow ones, who are, ostensibly, male). The green candy ditched her go-go boots for sneakers. The brown one traded stilettos for more sensible pumps. And Tucker Carlson is turned off. He's declared that "'M&M's will not be satisfied until every last cartoon character is deeply unappealing and totally androgynous'," and that when "'you're totally turned off, we've achieved equity'" (npr).

First, why is any human male hoping to get his engine running with images of candy?

Is there anywhere to go with that? It's perhaps a sticky situation--though we have all grown up knowing that M&Ms melt in your mouth, not in your...hand.

Why in heaven's name are we even discussing the sexy qualities of candy? Is this who we are? For now, there will be no spokescandies; instead, comedian Maya Rudolph will be the face of the perennial favorite candy. Stay tuned-- I'm sure there will be some nut-job outrage in the offing. But still-- given the amount of things we should be upset about, is this the common denominator? Is this of national importance?

I don't think so. Carlson is part of the weird "right-wingers" who get wound up about Sesame Street characters combating racism, too. He is favored by Putin, too, but that's a different issue. I wonder what the Russian oligarchy has to say about candy.

As for me, I'm all for sensible footwear.

Have a good day,

C